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G.U. Medicine: Lords of oblivion

04/08/10 || sly

The band G.U. Medicine has many interesting elements. Unfortunately, their music is not one of them.

Henceforth referred to as ‘GUM’, this label-send was described to GD as “UK 70’s rock”, thus piquing my personal interest. The band has (via MySpace) defined itself as “A hot slab of pure molten rock rolling down the side of the volcano towards your house. You can’t stop it, it’s going to crush you, and burn you, and crush you. A Satanic pyroclasm.”

Wow. Where do I begin?

Firstly, I must clarify that this is most definitely not 70’s rock in any definition of the term. Five seconds of a 70’s-inspired riff here and there does not make you seventies rock. Lo siento.

Next: satanic? There is nothing satanic about whining about women. (Literally, the first three songs seem to be about nothing but girls. And after that, I couldn’t be bothered to pay further attention to the painfully insipid lyrics.) Painting the album cover with some satanic imagery does not make you satanic! Stryper is more satanic than these guys!!

Ok. Now here are my calculations. Crappy tattoos of dice and roses + corduroy military cap x Jägermeister sponsorship ÷ 4 POSERS trying to sound like Doomriders = GUM.

I know this higher math is confusing, but one listen to “Lords of Oblivion” will help you to comprehend it. GUM is really a simple formula. It’s like a cocktail of all the wrong ingredients. Unless you are looking for bad 90’s stoner-rock with a hip modern day feel to play in your tattoo/piercing shop. In that case, this just might be your poison. Hell, I might even come see you to get that GUM tat I’ve always wanted on my hip. With a camel skull and angel wings behind it. Oh, and flames coming out of it.

Anyway…

Apparently this is GUM’s third album! Who knew? I can’t fathom digging up their previous two in order to see if they’re any better. Let’s just assume they’re not.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: “Lords of Oblivion” is an album that has been done before, only much better. GUM just kinda seems like one of those throw-away bands that happen to be cool in the local scene. In a few years, they will just be a distant memory. Or still not even known. And no one really cares.

Maybe if I were in a Yorkshire bar, and really drunk, I might say, “Hey, these guys aren’t half bad.” But even in my drunken state, I’d know they’re not half-good either.

Before I conclude this waste-of-my-time-when-I-could-be-masturbating, I must mention the band’s moniker. “GU Medicine” according to Wikipedia: “Genitourinary medicine is a portmanteau that includes aspects of andrology (you know, like male menopause), gynecology and urology. It is primarily related to medicine dealing with sexually transmitted diseases.” Okaaaaay… Disgusting anyone? Yeah.

4,5

P.S. Outside of “Magic the Gathering” and “World of Warcraft”, “pyroclasm” is neither a word nor a noun. The correct term would be the adjective, ‘pyroclastic’. So, no points there.

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Undergroove Records
Website: G.U. Medicine MySpace
Band
Lee Storrar: vocals, guitar
Dale G. Evans: guitar, vocals
Ryan S. Senior: bass, vocals
Richard Murray: drums

Tracklist
01. Pure Motorized Instinct
02. Dirty Little Girl
03. Shut Up (Take what’s coming your way)
04. Hanging Out with the Walking Dead
05. Lords of Oblivion
06. Lighting Up the Skies
07. Take Everything, Give Nothing Back
08. Glass Eye
09. Done Far Too Many
10. Alcoholocaust
11. The Hangman Has Been Hired

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